September 18, 2005
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Monday, September 19, 2005
3.20 p.m. NZ time
This is an e-mail I just received, and since it expresses an area of life that is so common to all of us, I thought I would post it along with some thoughts from my emerging perspective.
Here’s the e-mail:
“Thank you, I do find much comfort from your words in the “Surrender”
Blog…. and many of your other blogs as well.
I guess the concept of full surrender—-as much as I DO want to get there—is still a bit hard for me. I think if one isn’t careful, the line could be blurred with passivity. To some extent, we DO need to control our lives….for example, I need to take diabetes medication, and I think I recall you referencing one time that you have a pacemaker? Are those not attempts to control our lives for the overall good, AND our continued existence on this earth?
Perhaps it’s more clear if I think that for those things that I CAN control, for its own good, I should try….but for where there seems NO earthly or obvious solution to a problem, then surrender should be allowed and practiced.
For me, it is difficult to wonder if I’m being tested sometimes; often during a problem or a difficult time, I will think, “well, this is normal—everyone goes through bad times”. If I’m dealing with two problems at once, I say “well, this is unusual and challenging—but all I can do is my best to endure”.
It just seems that in the past two weeks, problems C, D, & E have come up when I haven’t even put a dent into problems A or B yet. And I think, “well, this is ridiculous…what’s UP with this? Why can’t just a glimmer of good show through, just for a SECOND, to give me reassurance and allow me the grace and patience I know I need right now?”
So, I guess right now I will test HIM. I continue to pray, and I thank you so much for listening.
Your brother,”
For me, at this moment, there are two directions in which “little spirit me” can surrender. One, I can surrender to the Eternal Spirit Being that dwells within my heart. Or two, I can surrender to the old strong man that lives in my mind.
For me, totally receiving and surrendering to each moment, as God’s perfect will for my life, is pure passive action, action that springs from a place of complete passive surrender. To do all that each moment requires of me, is to be poised and ready, lamp filled, wick trimmed, awake and waiting for the call.
If the moment requires for me to take diabetes medication and if the required medication is available, then I’ll take it, totally aware that the results of my action is in God’s hands. If I live, praise God, if I die, Hallelujah! My race is run and I am with Him.
I was on stage singing when my heart stopped beating. There was nothing wrong with my heart, but the nerve that connects my heart muscle to my brain wasn’t getting the signal through, telling the muscle to contract. So, no signal, no contraction, no contraction, no blood to my brain, no blood, no oxygen, no oxygen and it’s “Bye Bye time”. So they stuck a pacemaker in my chest.
So far it seems to be doing its job, but the other day I had some funny chest pains that reminded me of my mortality. Most people die of heart failure around 4: A.M. so when I went to sleep that night I had to accept the fact that I might wake up seeing Jesus face to face. Although I didn’t really want to leave my wife and family behind, I knew they were God’s children and He would take care of them. So that night as I went to sleep, I pressed into His Eternal Spirit that lives within me and said “Whatever Lord, whatever your plans are for our lives, whatever happens to me tonight, I know it will be your perfect will for all of us”. Next morning when I woke up the first thought through my head was, “Wow I’m still here.”
I think when a person totally surrenders to something or to someone, that person then becomes a slave to the thing or the person they have surrendered to.
So do we surrender to a God who loves us, and proved His love for us by allowing us to slaughter Him, and nail Him to a cross, while all the time saying “Forgive them for they know not what they do”?
Or do we surrender to the strong man, who lives in our brain and who is terrified of us, and tries to control us with the threat of punishment or the promise of reward, which produces only fear and greed.
The prayer I learned from an old AA buddy of mine still says it all for me, “Please help me to change the things you want to change, Accept the things that you want to leave as they are, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I’ve kind of changed a few words and maybe added a few more but hey, it’s my blog and I can pray it the way I like it.
When, problems C, D, & E come along and we haven’t even put a dent into problems A or B yet, remember it’s only the old dying strong man still responding to the ever changing moment with fear, pride and greed, never realizing that A, B, C, D & E are nothing more than bait, having been specifically designed to draw the “thought” man out of the deep strongholds within our minds, so we can see he’s still there hiding in the shadows. And he falls for the bait every time. Out he comes, roaring with anger, trembling with fear, trying to control the situation, and once he’s out in the open, once he’s revealed himself, then we can simply surrender him over onto the altar of faith and trust. Then we can watch the purification process take place as God transmutes this negative life destroying energy into pure, clean Holy Ghost power, a power that is totally surrendered to God’s will.
It’s always darkest just before the dawn. It seems the only way God can draw the enemy, (the strong man) out into the open, is to create a situation that to all natural appearances seems utterly hopeless. In order for that to happen there can be no glimmer of hope that can shine through, just for a second, to give us reassurance and allow us the grace and patience we think we need right now. If we saw a “glimmer” the strong man would see it too, so he would just stay hidden away. He would see there’s no need for him to respond because everything is going to work out just fine. So he wouldn’t make a move.
It was only in His darkest hour, as Jesus hung dying on the cross that he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” at that moment He was in utter darkness, without a glimmer of hope in the situation He found himself in. That was the moment, with nothing but his faith in God, that He totally surrendered Himself and said “Into your hands I commend my spirit.” That was when it happened, that’s when the father of lies, the king of death, the destroyer of men’s souls was himself destroyed.
So the last line in the e-mail is exactly right, it is now our turn “to commend our spirits into His hands” and be transformed into His image. Jesus said, “The prince of this world is coming and he has nothing in
These are all just words and in themselves are as empty as an old movie, but if there is any reality in them, and we consume that reality, the nutrient of these words will help to remind us in our darkest hour, in our greatest need, to trust our God, and cast all our cares upon Him, because He loves us, and at every moment, He has our eternal well-being uppermost in his mind.
Life is a two hundred percent reality, but I’ll get into that next time.
BMcG
